A funny incident happened to me yesterday which highlighted the fact that although I consider myself to be one of the most logical people I know, my ability to be illogical actually knows no bounds.  The incident yesterday only highlighted a deeper problem though.

Ok, so let me explain.  There was I at this wedding yesterday, and I noticed this cute girl, who I kinda know, and I eventually plucked up the courage to ask her for dinner sometime.  Normally in these situations, my head says no, and wins the war, but not yesterday.  Anyway, she said no (she has a boyfriend - who wasn't there, just before you ask), and I was slightly upset, but not for being turned down.  No, it wasn't that at all.  For if it had been that, I wouldn't be laughing at myself today.  The real reason I was upset was I couldn't understand what I'd just done.  Let me explain a bit further.  There is actually another girl I like, and I've liked her for ages, but in a moment of irrationality, I asked another girl out on a date.  Why?  I don't know, and that is what upsets me.  You see I'd like to say I've lost my patience with this other girl - a poor defence - but maybe it's because I'm bored, or worse still, lonely.  But that doesn't explain things fully.

But then, looking a bit more carefully at my own life helps to shine the light on what happened yesterday.  Because for all the time that I hate sin, I still give in to temptation, and that is a clear sign of irrationality.  I have been irrational for a lot longer than yesterday.  And that is what is frustrating.  I can't deal with my sin.  It goes against who I am, yet I know I am forgiven because of what Jesus has done for me.  Yet my sin will always frustrate me, because I know that I'm meant to be better.  And I will, but it will be God willing and acting in me.

Ok so back to the analysis of yesterday.  Should I feel guilty?  Well no not really.  I only asked her out for dinner, I hadn't made any firm plans (in my head at least) to start a relationship-at least not yet anyway because I don't know how it would work out.  Does this stop me from persuing the girl I really like?  Again not really.  I'm just a bit more aware of my own irrationality in this area.

But this whole situation has made me face up to who I really am.  I'm not a totally logical person.  Indeed I'm no vulcan.  I'm going to have to deal with the contradtictions in myself and ask God for forgiveness when I screw up, which tends to be at least on a daily basis, if not much more frequently.