I was pondering this question before leaving work today.  The reason for pondering on it is because of a certain female I'm meeting tomorrow for lunch.  The question to myself was, Am I turning into the kind of person I most loathe, namely a jerk, or am I just a fool, or neither?

Let me try to explain what each one is:-

Jerk - The kind of guy who plays around with people's hearts knowing full well what he's doing and not caring who gets hurt, as long as he's getting what he wants (I really do loathe these people)

Fool - The kind of guy who doesn't really know what he's doing, he's kinda still into one girl, but is asking another girl out anyway.

Are we clear with definitions? Then judge for yourselves which one I fall into.

Tomorrow I'm going for lunch with a girl a quite like, except I keep on having to ask myself the same question, and I haven't yet produced a satisfactory answer for it.  You see, up until last week, I really liked this other girl, but was coming to the realisation that nothing may come of the situation.  And that hurts when everything else was pointing to the possibility that things could work.  But I decided on 2 things.  First, I needed to move on, regardless of how I was feeling.  Second, to take situations a bit more lightly and see where they go rather than building up someone I liked only to realise later that they don't feel the same way.

Are you with me so far?  You see the question I was asking myself was, 'Am I really over this girl I've liked for, goodness knows how long?'  Hmm.  The answer wasn't a NO, but it wasn't a resounding YES either.  I then asked another question of 'If this girl asked me to lunch tomorrow, would I drop my plans with this other girl.'  I was a bit more convinced with myself on this question, giving a more resounding NO, so came to the conclusion that I am not a jerk, but am I a fool?  A fool for allowing myself to be in this situation. Or is this just the nature of love and life?  Is 'replacement' therapy a viable, non-jerky option, or is it always destined to fail?

Well, I don't think I really have the answers to any of these questions, but maybe it is time to move on.  I allowed enough time for the other girl to change her mind(and she didn't) and this other girl I'm going for lunch with is lovely, and it's not as if it's a date per se.  It's more like a scouting lunch.  Seeing where we are.  Seeing how we get along.  I shouldn't need to feel the pressure to perform.  Because, if we don't get along well as just friends, what hope is there for anything more right?  OK, after a few more years, I'm still none the wiser.

I'm going to watch Lord of the Rings now, 3 nights, 3 films, how awesome will that be!!